HANDING OVER YOUR CHILD

Knowing daddy. Once the court has deemed you a fit parent and granted you with a court order to enforce your access rights, it is very important that your children do not feel any of the resent or animosity which may have shown whilst you were in a relationship with your ex partner. Whatever it was that ended the relationship is irrelivent, and you will have also been told this at your family court hearing. Now, you are just two human beings who share a common interest. Your children are the most important ones in this and it is imperative that they grow up seeing their two parents as friendly and amenable towards each other. The last thing anyone should want is for our children to grow up thinking that it is normal for two people who have children together to be bickering and arguing about their own selfish needs, and arguing over their children. Being humane isn't so difficult a thing, but being Human can often lead us into trouble. The handover itself will have strict orders from the court. Times, places and who is to be present at the handover will all be noted and written into the court order. Either of you can be held in comtempt of court if you break these orders, and this can result in hefty fines or even prison sentences for those who do not adhere to them. Simply put, all you need to do is remain polite, remember, you were once very close to your ex partner and no doubt, very much in love at one time in your lives. With this in mind, there should never be any reason for animosity or bad feeling from either of you.

To begin with, it will be difficult to bear, especially if it has been a lengthy period of time since you last had contact with your ex partner. You need to prepare yourself mentally for the first contact again. Just remember your children will hear everything that is said and regardless of your own personal opinions of your ex partner, your children will in the end, make up their own minds... they will love you both equally. To ensure this love holds, there can never be any kind of parental alienation by either of your families. Parental alienation is a very serious matter and is a form of child abuse which can be dealt by any member of the close or extended family. Parental Alienation occurs when one member of the family tries to enforce irrationality to the minds of your children, with regards their need to be able to love both parents equally. For example, an uncle stating to a child that their father is a "coward" or a "wierdo", or a grandmother telling a child that the child's father is a "bad man". Children hear these things and take them in, at all ages. Parental Alienation does not harm the Mother or the Father, the real harm is done to the mind of the child, and Parental Alienation can cause mental problems later in life.

Whether you are the parent who is handing over your child, or if you are the parent who is receiving the child for a few hours, overnight, or a weekend, the handover should be a quiet and quick event. You have come to the agreement that you no longer wish to spend time together, so don't hang around, and don't make your partner hang around waiting for your child. When a strict time has been set for the handover to take place, then it is the responsibility of the parent with care to have their children dressed and ready, as it is the responsibility of the parent with contact to be there on time to collect their children. For all this to happen in a pleasant environment for your children, just remember that it can't always go smoothly and unforseen events can delay or postpone contact. With this in mind, you should only seek legal advice with regards to contempt of a court order if it is clear that there has been a deliberate ignorance of that court order.

Often, when your child is very young, a court may recommend supervised, or supported contact take place in a contact centre. Where the child is under two years of age, you should request that the court add a clause in the order making sure that the contact takes place with you and your ex-partner and your child together in a room. This will make sure that your children are not overwhelmed by trauma or confusion, as their mother will be onhand to reassure and give emotional support to your child or children. When sitting in the same room is unbearable for either party, seek a recommendation from the court that mediation takes place between you and your ex partner prior to the contact. Just keep remembering, your child and you have a whole life ahead of you and whatever you do, do it for the benefit of your child.

The evolution of the bond which a non-resident parent and their child grow together in life often requires the patience of angels. And the rewards are always worth the wait.