John - 6th February 2009

I am fortunate in that I do get to see my children but I am afraid that my story will not be very inspiring for others, as I continually have disappointment and there is much that I have lost. What worked for me was the threat of court action, and then the eventual Child Welfare Hearing.

The Child Welfare Hearing was fairly sedate, and I would say that there is not much to worry about as far as formal court goes. One thing I can recall is that it was very traumatic for me and the details are a bit hazy... things were adjourned and I had to negotiate with my child's mother through lawyers until we came to some sort of agreement regarding how the handovers would happen, then it was back to the judge.

The sheriff decided the amount of contact. One thing which you might have to watch out for is how the handovers are going to happen, particularly if there is animosity. For example; if the Judge says you can pick children up at 4:30, Mother says... "they will be with their grandparents then because i have to work, and the grandparents do not want to see you because you are so terrible... I will get back at 6pm from work." The Judge/Sherifff says OK, well, we will knock an hour and a half off your contact time then Dad, pick the kids up at 6pm instead of 4:30pm.

My lawyer said he has never seen such animosity as happened to me and friends are still gob-smacked at how acrimonious things still are. Figure out how much contact you want ( I know that is a crap statement ) The sheriff is not always right, or as helpful as he wants to be; I see my kids 3 weekends out of 5, and I see my kids 3 wednesdays out of 5, so there can be times when i do not see them at all for more than 10 days, because of two overlapping 3 week cycles. If things are difficlt with your ex-partner, I would also insist on formal telephone contact, which I get twice a week ( and it mostly works ). I realise that this might be difficult when the child is very young, but I would still go for it to discuss with mum how the child has been getting on over the past week. It will also get mum used to hearing from you on a regular basis.

With regards to money, if you are not yet being hounded by the CSA, then tell the mother that you will pay money to her ( by cheque ) and get mum to tell the CSA that she is too frightened to divulge her details in case you harm her. This will stop CSA hounding you - and she gets more benefits and money as you give it to her in secret. In almost every case things mellow after a year or two.

I am in Scotland, and things are a bit different here, I am posting this so that other Scottish Dads might benefit. In Scotland an interim interdict lasts for only one year (and a day). It took me 5 years to find that out however. My first solicitor did not know that. It was actually a friend who knew about "Woman's rights" who alerted me to that fact. I am not a lawyer, and can not really cite the exact bit of the law. The solicitor who got it sorted for me was John Barr of Mathie McLuckie in Stirling.

Keep your chin up.

John, from Stirling


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